Sunday, May 5, 2013

Ninety Days

It seems like such a short time but also a long time. You can accomplish so much in a 90-day period. What have I done in 90 days? Let’s see… I have completed a 90-day health and fitness challenge. I have read the Bible in 90 days. Those are GREAT accomplishments. I am sure there are many more but my mind fails me as I am only thinking about today. Today, I add a not so great accomplishment, one I wish more than anything would have NEVER happened! Today, I have mourned my sister for 90 days.

On February 5, 2013 at 5:29 AM, my young, beautiful, loving, wonderful sister went to be with the Lord. It is a day I will never forget and I think I will remember the time of her death clearer than I remember the time my children were born. It was tragic and things were not supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to die before her and not for a long time either. Never in a million years did I ever envision THIS as the way my life would play out. It is hard to think that just days before I was celebrating my youngest daughters’ birthday and my anniversary. Two wonderful, blissful days. If only I knew what was about to happen I would have put everything into spending time with my sister!

Beth was sick, what we all thought was minor turned out to be life threatening. One day she was just a little sick and the next her body had started to die and we did not even know it. Just a few short days is all it took for her to go from fine to being on her deathbed. When they admitted her to the NICU, we knew it was serious but we all thought she would pull through. I went home to get a change of clothes; sure I was going to be at the hospital for a few days. When I got back to the hospital, I only got to spend a few minutes with her before we were asked to leave the room. I did not see her again until we were told she had coded a couple of hours later. I had just laid down to take a nap and heard the code called. Earlier they had called one and I thought nothing of it, confidant that it was not Beth. A few minutes later, a nurse came out to let us know that it was not her. This time…. This time I just knew. I got up and waited. A few moments later, they came out to tell us it was her. This was at about 3 AM. She did not pass until 5:29AM.

We were lucky though! It is hard to see the blessings we were given in those last hours but they were there. She was alert until just a couple of hours before she passed, able to talk to us. We were at her bedside when she passed and at my mother’s prompting, we sung her into Heaven. Jesus Loves Me, always a favorite of my children’s will never be sung again without picturing my sister’s lifeless body. This was also her favorite.
Her funeral was beautiful. I think she would have been pleased with it. This was the day her children were supposed to have their birthday party. Instead, they were dressing for her funeral when their party was to begin.

Although she never felt she touched many lives, the number of people that came to her service tells a different story! Let this be a lesson to us all; never question your worth because you never really know how your life affects other people.

Today we will all attend a closing ceremony for a grief camp that her children and my youngest went to this weekend. I am sure it will be very emotional for us since our grief is still so fresh and it is an anniversary of sorts. I am praying this camp helps our children process their grief better.

Beth was only 29 years old and leaves behind two beautiful 6-year-old twin boys.

The landscape of our lives has been forever changed and we now have to figure out how to live without her in it. Obviously, death is never easy to deal with but I can tell you that when a person dies young, it is so much more tragic than when a person dies after living a full life! It is so much more tragic when young children lose a parent and now have to grow up without their love and influence, with only a memory that will fade over time. Please keep us all in your prayers!

She did more than exist, she lived.
She did more than listen, she
understood. Rest peacefully, dear sister.