Sunday, January 6, 2013

Humble Thyself

Yesterday I spent quite a bit of the day looking back, and being a ROYAL B* to my husband as a result. Today I read a blog post from my good friend Barb at The Forever Neighbor and it hit me. I have got to STOP allowing my mind to look back! There is NOTHING back there that is going to help where I am now and I'm not the same person as I was then and no one else is either.

No, this isn't the first time I've ever admonished myself to stop looking back and honestly I think that most of the time I do a pretty good job at not doing so. However, this time of year brings a lot of bad memories with it and I have a horrible time not letting it affect me. The most horrible part is that it's all subconscious at first.  I'll start noticing that I'm angry and sad and all over the place emotionally and I'll have to stop and really search my brain for the cause of it and then I'll remember. Then it's just downhill from there until I let it all out. Once I let it out then I'm usually good but I don't want to have to let it out like this anymore! I'm going to need some serious Heavenly assistance here because I know that I can't battle this area alone.

Today I get to humble myself before my husband and ask his forgiveness for my behavior yesterday. As I typed that a thought popped into my mind (yes I'm sure it was from Him) that I should probably ask everyone in the house for forgiveness. I admit that when that thought came to my mind I rolled my eyes Heavenward and thought "really God, I'm already having to ask my husband for forgiveness when I think HE should be asking me to forgive him first, why should I have to ask the rest of the house to forgive me as well?" The answer is really simple, my behavior affected EVERYONE yesterday.

I'm rather lucky that my husband will without hesitation forgive my transgressions. Thank you Lord for giving me a husband as patient as he is.

I may not exactly want to follow these prompting that the Lord puts on my heart but I will, somewhat grudgingly, follow them. I'm hoping that one day I can follow all His promptings with joy and no hesitation :)