Reading through posts on Facebook this morning I came across this image. It was linked to a post over at Unveiled Wife. The image really struck me because I've never looked at it that way and it's so very true. I don't think it's always the case, but certainly more often than not, arguments do indeed happen when two people passionately defend themselves.
Many of you know that I've been on a weight loss journey for some time now. I lost about 25 pounds and then when we moved back to Georgia I gained it back. I had started to workout again and started changing my eating habits again then my sister passed away. It's been downhill, or should I say uphill, ever since. I'm now at my highest ever and feel like crud most of the time.
Today in America we celebrate Independence Day. While this day technically celebrates the adoption of the Deceleration of Independence on July 4, 1776, in my mind it is a celebration of so much more. It's a celebration of all who have fought for our country past and present to guarantee our freedoms.
Tonight my family will attend a Salute to the Nation Ceremony and a fireworks display. I think it will be a somber occasion. I will tear up and mostly likely cry. I always tear up when we sing the national anthem but it will be more than that, the tears will flow for what is lost. This year my sister is no longer with us and it's our first time celebrating the 4th without her. My nephews (her children) are with their daddy so it will just be my little family and my parents. Just another one of the many "firsts" we must endure without her.
In my mind, Independence Day is the first holiday we celebrated since I got home. Sure there were other holiday's between the time we got back in April and July and we did do things for those but this one we got the family together at my house. I made some treats, we went to an outdoor concert, and watched fireworks. It was a special time. It was the first time in years that our little family got to celebrate the 4th with fireworks because at Fort Wainwright AK, there's too much light in the summer to set off fireworks.
We love and miss you Beth!!!!
(Beth eating one of my yummy treats 4th of July 2012)
Awesome day yesterday!! Two of my daughters were baptized! My little one actually made the decision to accept Jesus in December but we didn't have a church home. We started trying out some churches and then my sister got sick and passed away and we quit looking. We started attending a church an hour away with my parents to help support them and decided that's where God wants us. So my little one was finally able to publicly proclaim her salvation :) The older one actually JUST accepted Jesus on SATURDAY night!! Praise God! He is so GOOD! They were able to be baptized on the same day.
We actually had two other Salvation's Saturday night as well. It's not my place to tell their story but I can tell you that there mama would be oh so happy if she were still with us. I believe she is in Heaven rejoicing that she will one day see her children again.
It's still a hard pill to swallow, Beth's death, but there is still JOY in the storm!
Anyone remember film rolls? Well I found the mother-load today! Seventeen rolls of 35mm, two disposable camera's, AND a 110 cartridge.
When someone you love passes away it's an eye opener. When someone that you love passes away that is also young, it's a huge eye opener. It makes you stare your own mortality in the face. I realized that I need to get my butt in gear and get my clutter taken care of because I don't want my family to have to deal with this crud on top of having to plan a service and mourn their loss. I want everything neat and organized for them.
Now I really haven't done much since Beth passed away to get my butt in gear. I guess it's been overwhelming enough just trying to do normal daily activities. But, I've got a week left before I start summer classes and I am going to take advantage of it.
Tim is off today so he wanted to go out to the garage and sort through his military stuff. I said I'd go with him and work on the other stuff out there. It's a disaster area. One of the things I really want to get organized is our pictures. I'm horrible at keeping pictures safe. I used to use photo albums and then moved to photo boxes and now they are just every where. Some are ruined because something got on them. I don't want my family to have a hard time finding photos to use in a photo show at my memorial when I am gone and I certainly don't want to have a hard time finding photos if I should need them for one of my family members.
I'm sure you can all see where I went wrong. I never should have started with pictures. I really should have started with just junk. Pictures bring back memories and make me sad right now. So, I'm inside taking a break.
When my parents are gone it will be my responsibility to keep the pictures and make sure the memories get passed on to the next generation. I need to get my butt in gear so that I won't fail at the job! First stop is getting all these rolls of film developed. I haven't owned a film camera in about 12 years!!!! I wonder what's on these rolls!!! I know some are going to be degraded but I think some will turn out. I'm finding somewhere to drop them off this afternoon. I'm excited to see what's on them.... it's almost like the anticipation of Christmas morning.
Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mother's out there! Please pray for those that are celebrating mom's that have passed away. Pray for the young children who buried their mom's and pray especially for the bereaved mom's still on this earth, those who had to bury a child. We can never fully understand their pain.
Today we celebrate our first Mother's Day without my sister. I can only imagine the pain and heartache my mom is feeling today. I can only imagine the loss her boys are feeling. My own heart is aching so much. Last year we went to my Mema's (grandmother for you non-southern folks). It was the first time we were together for Mothers' Day since 2008. We spent the days leading up to the day arguing about what we were going to do. Oh how I miss the back and forth trying to decide what to do and when for the holidays.
This year we will go to church and then go to the cemetery to spend a little while. Then the boys will go with their father to do something and my mom and dad will come back to my house for a cookout. It will be different and it will be painful. We will find something to smile about and I'm sure one of the kids will have us laughing about something but the ache in our heart will remain. There will be a sadness that can not be diminished. We will muddle through yet another first and maybe just maybe (I'm really hoping) as the years go on, our pain won't be quite as intense. Really though I think that on any day that bring memories, I think our pain has the potential to be just as bad as it was the day she died.
It's funny the things that come to you in the weirdest moments. I'm sitting here enjoying a can of Dr Pepper. I know it's not healthy, I'll be quitting soon. Anyway, I'm thinking how good it tastes out of a can instead of a bottle and I remember that Beth also like her soda of choice out of a can. For her it was Coke. Bleh!
How to you like your soda?
Just another random memory. I hope these help you to remember things about her and for those that didn't know her, I hope these help you to get to know her, she was special and she was worth knowing!
Yay! I made it though my first semester back in college. No small feat considering I did it while mourning the loss of my sister. Final grades have been posted and I have a 4.0.
I am pleased with myself. I want to shout from the rooftops but I won't. My grades are very insignificant in the big scheme of things. I need good grades to help get into the Sonography program that I'm trying to get into. I need to get into that program so I can contribute to our family income when Tim gets out the Army. Honestly, things would have been a lot easier on me if I had of quit school when Beth passed away but I really couldn't do that since our future livelihood is on the line.
I do think she would be really proud of me for sticking with it and giving it my all. Hell, I'm proud of me.
Next semester starts in just over a week. Please pray for me. I'll be driving an hour to and from campus four days a week and I hate taking classes on campus :)
The title may make you think that you're going to read about some drinking binge I've been on but if you know me well, you know I don't do shots. Nope, this is a precious memory, one that was brought up when I knocked over a shot glass this morning.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what story are your
One of the things I've learned in the last couple of months
is that I've placed way to much value on remembering what things look like. We went to Sea World shortly after moving back to
Georgia and I took a ton of pictures of the scenery and the shows and just
utter nonsense and not enough pictures of the people I was with in those
Little did we know that morning that God would
call your name. In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone. For part of us went
with you, the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories,
your love is still our guide. And though we cannot see you, you are
always on our side. Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.
It seems like such a short time but also a long time. You
can accomplish so much in a 90-day period. What have I done in 90 days? Let’s
see… I have completed a 90-day health and fitness challenge. I have read the
Bible in 90 days. Those are GREAT accomplishments. I am sure there are many
more but my mind fails me as I am only thinking about today. Today, I add a not
so great accomplishment, one I wish more than anything would have NEVER
happened! Today, I have mourned my sister for 90 days.
My heart is so heavy tonight. I happened upon an image on Facebook that talked about foods that produce mucus and foods that prevent it and it got me thinking about the foods we consume and how some of them are so very dangerous for us but yet we eat it anyway.
Yesterday I spent quite a bit of the day looking back, and being a ROYAL B* to my husband as a result. Today I read a blog post from my good friend Barb at The Forever Neighbor and it hit me. I have got to STOP allowing my mind to look back! There is NOTHING back there that is going to help where I am now and I'm not the same person as I was then and no one else is either.
A new year comes with new goals, or at least rethinking of old goals. In reality I try to set smaller goals throughout the year and adjust them as they need to be adjusted. Last year I failed miserably at what was really my only goal. I wanted to lose the extra pounds I've been carrying around for so many years now.