Back in May of 2010 I was reading the book Captivating. I have to admit that I actually still have a couple of chapters to go but while I was reading it I came to some conclusions that I shared in a note on my Facebook page. Today I came across it while looking to see if I had shared something else in a note and I want to share part of it here with you.
I'm reading the book Captivating: Unveiling The Mystery of a Woman's Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge. Here's what Amazon says about the book.....
~~~~Every little girl has dreams of being swept up into a great adventure, of being the beautiful princess. Sadly, when women grow up, they are often swept up into a life filled merely with duty and demands. Many Christian women are tired, struggling under the weight of the pressure to be a "good servant," a nurturing caregiver, or a capable home manager. ~~~~
Reading this book (just plain reading it, not doing an actual study of it) is bringing up SOOOOOO many thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It's bringing to the surface things I had long ago thought were dealt with and it bringing to light some things that I never even realized were issues cause I never looked at them, things from long ago in my childhood and even things from the here and now.
I have a tendency to either remain silent not letting anyone in or to reveal too much and scare people away. Reading this book has created a HUGE desire in me to share with someone but I really have no one that I trust enough to share the issues this book is bringing up. So of course because I don't feel I have anyone to share what I'm going through, then I get the desire to come on here and put it out for the whole world to see.... yeah, not a good idea. I don't think that they people in my past who have caused me such horrible pain and created lifelong issues would be too happy that I was blabbing their secrets to their friends and family. But I'm really getting off topic now... Guess I have a lot of unforgivingness in my heart right now.
I can count on one hand the people that know the real me. That know my life story. I'm about the only one that knows everything. Tim comes in a close second. I've shared nearly all the details with him but I don't think even he gets the pain and the scars.
I could really use some genuine friends in my life. At some point I shut down and shut people out. Lack of trust, a believe that EVERYONE is out to hurt me..... I'm really tired of living like that!
I don't really know the purpose of this note..... I guess I just needed to get some of that out there. Be a little real. The scary part is that although I revealed a bit that just barely scratches the surface.
If you actually read this whole thing, WOW! Don't be scared off cause I have issues that have haunted me. In general I function just fine everyday :) I just don't let people get close so I have no real "friends". I'm just someone who has decided to be honest about my life and I fully believe that I'm not alone in how messed up I am, just no one else wants to admit it and deal with it! We ALL have issues!!!
If you've been with me since the beginning of my blogging adventure, you know that I talk about this note in my very first post. I refer back to it now with refreshed eyes and a refreshed heart and see some things that were lacking in my life then that are also a huge problem for many many women and girls in our world.
I wrote that at a very low point, or really at a not so low point when I look back at it. Things have changed since then. I do have a couple of people that I call REAL friends now. People that know pretty much the meat of who I am and accept me just like I am. They help me strive to be a better woman in all aspects of my life. They really came into my life at the perfect time. Isn't His timing perfect? He knew I was ready to let people back in and he gave me the perfect people.
A friend shared a thought with me in relation to this note that is so true.... She said she'd love to journal but she'd have to leave some stuff out because someone might read it. How sad is it that we can't be real with ourselves because of what others might think! Ladies, we need to learn how to be there for each other again, how to have those close friendships. We need to stop being judgemental of others and simply love and accept them. I can tell you that when Godly women love you and take you under their wings, the world changes! It starts at home. We have to teach our daughters the importance of female friendships!!! It starts in our churches, we have to take those young (and old) woman by the hand that do not realize the importance of female friendships and teach them!
I challenge you all to be more real with each other! Be yourself and find that you can be accepted. You are WORTHY! A word of caution though, you have to be picky. You can't just go out and start blabbing to every single person you meet your deep dark secrets. It's a process. If you're lacking in real life friends who live in close proximity to you, pray for God to show you those people who He wants in your life!
The Broken One
1 year ago