It's sometimes hard to describe my feelings, especially when it comes to the Army. Yesterday the girls and I had the opportunity to go see my husband in the field. They are out there for 10 days or something close to it anyway and Fathers Day was smack dab in the middle!
Now, I knew about the date for a couple of months before hand but it wasn't until last month when I started looking to June's calendar to figure out what was happening when that I actually put two and two together and figured out that Father's Day was going to happen while they were in the field.
I was called on tonight to do my first real task since volunteering to be a co-leader with our FRG. I've been a key caller (that's someone who calls and lets a small portion of families in the unit know what's happening) for the last two years so I've made plenty of calls, and I've done some other helping out here and there but this was different.
Our current leader was away from her computer and she was getting a lot of calls from wifes not understanding the information that was being put out and we needed to get an email out to straighten up the miscommunication so she asked me to go ahead and do it.
I wrote it up and read it about 10 times, spell checked it three times, and almost called a friend to get her opinion of it. Then I thought to myself, "NO, I'm an adult and I know how to write a letter!". I know it's been a long time since I've done anything in a professional capacity but I can write a good letter. I was worried that might hinder me in this co-leader thing because sometimes I can come off as too professional when the situation calls for casual, but I guess when you need to get information out there the best thing you can do is be factual and professional. The casual type communication will come as well.
I'm pleased with this first task. I'm thankful that our current leader needed me to help out because she wasn't at home to do it. It's just the type of thing that I needed in order for me to believe that I can actually do this. Thank you Lord for giving me this task and for giving me the skills to handle it.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God's] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good..... Romans 12:19-21 AMP
Today was a very big struggle for me as I'm sure the coming few days will be. My family was recently wronged and I have had a few moments of losing my temper and lashing out at the person who did the wronging but today took the cake. You know, I don't even know why I am speaking in circles here, it made the news and will soon be national news as some larger websites have picked up on it.
Today was pretty eventful in our home. First I received a comment from my mom on my last blog post. I was at a red light and decided to look at my email and there it was. Made me cry sitting there at the light (good kind of cry) but Tasha and her boyfriend were in the van too so I had to explain why I was suddenly crying.
I have always had a pretty rocky relationship with my Mom. We just rub each other the wrong way. I know that she loves me very much but we have a quarrelsome relationship. We are very quick to vocalize our anger and disappointments towards each other but very slow to show our love. So, to read those words from her was very special for me. I will always treasure them Mom! Thank you.
Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices [[a]and instruments] and making melody with all your heart to the Lord,... Ephesians 5:19 AMP
I had the opportunity to attend a womens event at our church tonight. I must say that it's a good thing that my friend Alicia agreed to go with me because I loath going to anything like this by myself! We arrived a little late and when we went in they had already started. I was still unsure exactly what this was going to be. All I knew is that we needed to bring a desert to share.
I was very pleasantly surprised! After we had our desert they did a door prize drawing (VERY thankful that I did NOT win - it's another issue of mine, I hate the attention being on me), and then we started singing! I LOVE to sing. I can't say that I'm very good at it but it does not stop me from belting those words out. Back home in Savannah I was in our church choir and I really loved it.
I've been really trying to *fix* myself lately, or rather I have prayed and I believe God is working to fix me. He's really prompting me to get out of my comfort zone and make some profound changes. I suppose this has been an ongoing process my whole life and I'm finally at a point where I am ready to accept his helping hand in my life.
A couple of weeks ago I posted a long note on my Facebook page where I basically cried out to my friends and family. I really need a more authentic life.... I am seriously lacking in the friend department because I have refused to be real with people for the last few years. However, this is all changing.
I've been reading a book called Captivating (see the link in my sidebar to view the book) and God is really using this book to bring some traumatic stuff from my childhood to the surface so that I can let it go. At first I thought I was going to really have to dig into all the drama but I'm finding that he's allowing me to remember it and then he's lifting it right off my shoulders! I feel lighter than I have in years, happier and calmer.
Amazingly enough (and I just realized this while typing this out) he's given me just what I asked for, an authentic life! I've met a wonderful new friend, Barb @ The Forever Neighbor,and for the first time in a very long time I was able to really pour my heart out without fear of rejection. I totally believe that God put her in my life, I'll tell you more about that later but I have a point I'm making with this. An opportunity presented itself for me to step up and volunteer to be our FRG leader (that's a Family Readiness Group - my husband is in the Army). In order to be effective at this I'm going to have to be more authentic in my relationships with the other spouses and soldiers. I asked for more authentic relationships and He has answered in a very huge way. Thank you Lord!
I hope you'll add me to your prayer lists because I know I need it. I have taken on a huge responsibility and while I know that though Him all things are possible, I still hope you will prayer that I stay out of his way.